sometimes although i try not to think of it, it just hits me so bad that it still gives me pain. i know i shouldnt, everything has been explained. its just that sometimes i really cant stop myself from thinking that it might happen again. (if youre clueless about what im saying, dont bother to think about it. i just want to blab. one of my psychobabble.)
i know.i know.move on.
but i really dont know what stucks me in that situation, especially when i remember the night when i first heard of the bigsecret. i have written about this before, unfortunately i think god wont let me publish my tormentation because i accidentally deleted the post.( stupid.i know.) anyway, its been months now since it happened but god! its still haunting me, even in my dreams. its killing me. paranoia destroys my self esteem.my self worth. it eats up the whole me. sometimes i want to just die or hide in my secret place(if there was) i just want to be there and cry until theres no more tears left. i want to shout, hit my head with a big stone until i bleed to death. i just want to take away all the pain that i have. all the pain that im felling inside.all the pain that i shouldnt be feeling right now. i just want it gone, cause i know its no longer healthy for me. for us. Read the rest of this entry ?
