MEMORIES

I love memories they keep us alive. Especially the happy ones, but memories makes us sad too. Do you love keeping memories? Me? i dont know anymore.

Im not pretty much a fan of the past. Not anymore since an incident happned last year in November. It changed so many things in me. I became insecure, I became more twisted and confusing to handle (as said by my boyfriend). It sort of gave me a trauma. My boyfriend explained that the reason for this was because it was mistakenly delivered to me. It gave me so much fright that I got stucked in a predicament of paranoia. I dont want to go into details anymore because everything has been said and done (i guess?). * laughs.

I have come to realize that making friends with the past is hard(pertaining to the idea of it, not the person). So many people will try to bring it up at one point, some will try to insist that its better before than now. So many nasty things that will just crush your heart. This made me doubt about my beliefs. it gave me so much pain, to describe it exactly.

I have been to busy thinking what could have been, if it wasnt me that’s here in this position. I have so many “what ifs”. I dont know when is this going to end, I just find it so hard to trust again. I know, im getting all the assurance that i need but still its hard for me to believe it.
Its almost a year now since it happened, its still fresh in my memory. I dont know how to end this misery, I guess i just need to let go. I know i need to. I just dont know how.

Now this question:If a memory was kept, does it mean that the person is still inlove to that person he/she got invoved with? are there chances for them to get back together? Damnit. because we keep memories in order to remember that person once in a while right? So if you dont have feelings for that person anymore, why keep it right?(call me selfish, il stab you. ahaha)

My friend and i had a little talk, I asked this question and he laughed. He told me that It doesnt necessarily mean that if a person keeps something from the past ,it already means that he/she is still inlove with that person. Its a totally wrong judgement because those were the good memories. It should be treasured. Just that. There will always be this special place in a man’s heart for those kind of things. He said.

Why didnt i think of that? God damnit, Maybe because im too busy getting jealous and feeling sorry for myself for nor reason at all.Pathetic i know. I just hate myself so much that if i can just kill myself i already did. More pathetic i know. I want to be over it. Haaay, I dont know anymore.

It gets old right, the issue? And im getting tired of it. So sick and tired of it.
i dont even know myself anymore, This is making me unhappy,jealous and god damn paranoid! This causes my relationship to fall in dip shit, because i know im the one creating reasons for it to fall apart and for the most unwanted things to happen.

See. I know the reasons of my insanity.

lalalalalalalalalal…. ♫ Just like in the lyrics of a song;
“I just dont know what to do with myself, I just dont know what to do..”
Im trying my very best to be a good person, Im trying to be the best girlfriend, but still I feel that im not good enough.

To quote Maggie, “Theres a distinct possibility that im profoundly and irreversibly screwed up!”
I just want to be okay, I just want to be the old me. In short I just want to be normal. Im not sorry for what im feeling because i know that i have my reasons,but if this is a crime, can you just Shoot me?

So do i have to hold on to the past? ♥

woops.oh yes.i know.i know. many of you reacted about my past blog. well, i cant blame you guys. we have our own reasons. may it be good or bad. i dont care anyway. hahaha. i just said my piece.. for those of you na natamaan sorry. i mean no harm hahahahah no really. for those na naka relate, thanks sa pag comment. and for those na super inakalang kinkaliwa ako ng boyfriend ko.. EEENNNNK!! sorry. HINDI. mukha lang bitter yung entry ko pero hindi. thank god. wag naman sana and i know hindi.

thanks again for *my readers*.. for the good,clueless and violent reactions.

When people are in a relationship for a long time, they can’t help but start taking their significant other for granted.Sometimes they forget just how great the woman they have really is. Men forget how wonderful it feels to have someone who loves them unconditionally.

bakit nga ba me nangangaliwa? bakit nga ba me mga kabit? ano ba ang katangi tanging dahilan bakit kailangan manira ang isa ng relasyon ng iba?

sabi nila karaniwan nagahahanap sila ng iba dahil my mga bagay silang nakita doon sa isa na wala yung girlfriend o boyfriend nila. yung iba masyadong nasaskal o naboboringan sa relasyon nila. madaming dahilan na naiibigay majustify lang yung reason ng pangangaliwa nila.

sabi ng boyfriend ko, malaki daw ang difference ng lying sa not saying the truth. palagi niya sakin tong inexplain at tntry ko namang iabsorb pero hanggang nagyon di ko pa din makuha. ano nga ba ang pinagkaiba ng tinago mo sa kanya ang totoo dahil ayaw mo syang masaktan at sa intensyon mong wag lang talagang sabihin dahil me iba ka pang dahilan? para sakin kasi kahit san mo patignan.. nagsinungaling ka pa din.

di ko magets. si boy gusto si girl, si girl gusto si boy. naging sila. masaya naman ang kanilang pagsasama. hanggang sa dumating ang isang araw si boy nagsawa at naghanap ng iba. di dahil di na niya mahal si girl kungdi dahil gusto lang daw niya ng pampalipas oras. ika nga nila.. “gustong makatikim ng ibang ulam.” mga ganoong istorya na karaniwang nangyayri sa totoong buhay. mga dahilan na.. “there are things that you really cant explain, it just happens

pwes. isa lang ang masasabi ko. its BULLSHIT. ang kapal ng mga mukha niyong manira ng mga relasyong unang unay di naman sa inyo. ang kapal ng mga mukha niyong sabihing nadala lang kayo ng sitwasyon dahil aminin niyo man o sa hindi ginusto niyo yun.

alam ko madami ang kokontra, sasabihin na iba parin talaga kung ikaw na ang nasa sitwasyon. pero hello. isipin mo nga kung ikaw ang kabit at ikaw naman ang niloko eh magwawala ka din diba? dahil sino ba ang gustong maloko? pero pano niyo naatim na pumasok sa isang relasyon na alam niyo na kayo ang no.2? its pathetic.

siguro sa umpisa masarap ang feeling, nabibigyan ka ng atensyon kahit papaano. feeling mo me something talagang namamagitan sa inyo its just that di mo maidentify kung ano. eh sorry ka na lang, pano kung hanggang dun lang talaga? kawawa ka diba?

“Cheating generally means that you are not fully satisfied with your current partner or you feel that something is missing in the relationship. If you were completely in love and happy within your relationship, then why would you jeopardize all that you have for a five-minute fling with the girl next door? “ (askmen.com)

para sa mga lalaking nangangaliwa,nangaliwa at mga may balak:

isipin niyo na lang kung bakit nga ba kayo pumasok sa isang relasyon na sinabi niyo minsan “siya na nga.” , bakit ba kayo nag aaksaya ng panahon sa babaeng maaring kumabit na naman sa iba? bakit sinabi niyo noon siya na ang lahat para sayo eh ngayon nagrereklamo ka na? bat ikaw ba perfect? kung oo, gago ka.

para sa mga naging kabit:

mabuhay ka dahil nagising ka sa katotohonan. malas mo dahil di ikaw ang pinili niya.

para sa mga magiging kabit:

wag mo ng balakin. tanga ka pag pumasok ka sa ganyang relasyon. nakakadiri ka kung ganon.

para sa mga kabit:

ang kapal ng mukha niyong magsiharap sa simbahan para humiling na maging sayo siya.

para sa mag-kabit:

MAGSASAMA SAMA KAYO MGA BASURA.

ON THE ROCKS:

The most underrated benefit of cheating is that it opens a man’s eyes to the realization that his relationship is no longer nurturing and should be terminated. Some people remain blind to the fact that their relationship is “on the rocks” and the only way they can finally realize that it’s not going to work out is through cheating. It’s a shame that some men have to go to this extreme to see the reality: that they’re no longer satisfied with their situation. (askmen.com)

kung ganto man ang sitwasyon? bakit kinailangan pang manloko? masaktan at me masaktan sabihin niyo na lang. at isa pa, if you really want to work out things you just have to make it happen. work it out because you want to not because you have to.

-di ako bitter. naisip ko lang. kasi matagal ko ng tanong toh eh.

*para sa boyfriend ko: thanks. iloveyou.

(proposal for peyton)

tapos ngayon may bago na si lucas si lindsay yung editor niya. okay sila masaya at mukha namang nagmamahalan. so lucas asked her to marry him and she said yes. but opcors.

so si peyton mamatay matay kasi super mahal pa din niya si luc. eh sorry huli na ang lahat. YUN LANG ANG AKALA NG MARAMI.

sa four years na naghiwalay sila ni peyton nakapag publish si luc ng book. (ayos nagrhyme. hehe) pangarap kasi talaga niyang maging novelist. syempre yung book about ke peyton. na ang nagedit ay si lindsay. nagmeet si lindsay and peyton at last dahil bumalik siya ng tree hill. naging nice si lindsay, she tried so hard to be friends with her though she was feeling so damn insecure. hello. ikaw na gawan ng book ng boyfriend mo. tae.pero it didnt work out it seems na mahirap talagang maging friends ang nakaraan at ngayon. (umangal mamamatay. haha )at oo.. ang sabi nilang lahat mahal pa ni lucas si peyton and vice versa.

so anu ba talagang point ko? naisip ko lang sa halos lahat ng napapanuod ko.. friends turned into lovers or lovers to into friends kahit anu pang gawin natin, there’s still love diba? sabi nila once you love a person it never fades away. “maybe a little less or a bit differently but you never stop loving them.” -sabi yan ni ate shawee sa kung ako na lang sana movie nila ni aga. haha. totoo ba talaga yun? eh lalo na if you had history together. and so panu kung totoo nga?

ewan. patayin niyo na lang ako kung ganun nga. haha (walang magrreact.) mahirap ata yung feeling na alam mu naman na may something talaga kayo, its just that everyday youre worried if he’s still thinking about her. its like great love vs. true love. or kung anu man. minsan gusto mong maniwala that its over pero dahil mapilit ka at di maka get over. alam na. hahaha

pero sa totoo lang..

mahirap mabuhay sa mundo ng paranoia. para kang paulit ulit na nag su-suicide. di mu napapansin kinukulong mo na pala ang sarili mo sa mga thoughts that gently kills your relationship dahil araw araw madaming pumapasok sa isip mo. pero.. kung di ka maka alis aba! boy. magpatingin ka na. hahaha.

bat ba ang dami kong alam? wala lang. dinamdam ko kasi ang series eh. haha. (yun na yun wag ka na mag isip pa ng ibang dahilan.)

sabi nga ng boypren ko, “if its over, its over. para na lang bato.”

pero ikaw? kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon ni lindsay papakasalan mu parin ba sya? kung ikaw si peyton? papabayaan mo na lang ba sila? at kung ikaw si lucas? anu ba talaga?

syet.

haha

And so bored na naman ako. andito ko sa school. maaga kami dnismissed ng prof, grabe ansaya pag devt. psych kasi always early out. ikaw na ang alcoholic.(prof ko yun) it has been ages since nagpost ata ako dito, kasi meron na akong bagong blog site na hindi ko na din nauupdate. so check it out if you want. kamusta na ba ako? kayo? kamusta na?

ako.. eto. pagod,antok,gutom. gusto kong matulog ng madami kasi sa panahon ngayon bihira ko na magawa yun. gusto ko magbeach. wala lang gusto ko lang. ewan ko. ewan ko. sa totoo lang i dont know how have i been lately. i guess im happy. i guess im not. anlaboo. madami ako gusto gawin pero madami ding reason kung bakit di pwede.

kagabi. nanaginip ako. madami relo. madaming madaming relo. ibat iba ang kulay. may white, may red, may blue at syempre may pink. tinatanong ko daw sa mommy ko kung pwede kong isuot yun, ang sabi niya sira daw, sabi ko san ba nakakabili nun? sabi niya dyan lang. tas naputol na. ang weird, bat kaya?? ano kaya pahiwatig non? hahaa. andaldal ko talaga.

akalain mo. akalain mo nga naman malapit na magprelims. syet. exam na. bayaran na naman. yun lang.

kamote. umuulan. sa kabilang building pa ko. huhu malayo. oo. sa AB. pero gustong gusto ko pag umuulan kasi malamig at madilim. ewan ko ba pero gusto ko pag madilim sabi nga ng tito ko para daw akong bear na mahilig mag hybernate. gawain namin yung ng boypren ko pag linggo. matulog,manuod at kumain at matulog ulit. hanggang 1:30 lang ako kaya kailangan umuwi ako agad, madami pa kong gagawin. para sa mga nakakabsa nito alam ko you dont care. pero pwede ba paki tulungan ako?

si oscar wilde. sya ang kailangan kong gwan ng case analysis para sa ethics. kung kilala nyo sya sabihin niyo na lahat ng say nyo dito. since ngayon in some countries it is already legal to have same sex marriage? kung nabubuhay sya sa panahon natin ngayon dapat pa ba syang ikulong? hmm.. does it mean if its legal eh moral na?

to my gayfriends. iloveyou all. haha

yes.oh yes. it has been ages since my friend valoisa and i went out so we decided to meet up and watch a movie. we met up at trinoma (the official meeting place,date spot and evrathang) at around 5:30pm, well we were supposed to meet at 5 but then i fell asleep again and woke up at exactly 5. haha the ticket booth were flooded by these people whom i thought will be watching CAREGIVER (sharon cuneta’s film) but NO! its all for that dancing PANDA. haha yes, its for KUNG FU PANDA. all the kids were excited, well i bet that panda is hella rich for his first week!

we were able to buy our tickets, movie starts at 8:10 and we have 3hours more to wait so we decided to eat first.. we went outside, then inside, then outside, then inside. GOD! it took as over an hour to find a place were to eat. bru’s (val) craving for pasta and im craving for nothing since i promised myself that i will be on a diet. [oh well yes.. i was craving for some frenchfries. haha wink!] . Bigoli an italian resto saved our confusion where to eat and yes, bru won. actually i really dont like it there.. i first ate there with my boyfriend and we gave it a 2/5 since their pizza tasted like cheesy rubber. haha i had spaghetti bolognese and bru got a fetuccini that she totally regret after ordering because she wanted to eat something else. ( i forgot the name of the pasta) do you know why? haha because she saw the other man order that nice looking pasta. haha while eating of course we did what old girlfriends do.. we catch up! we update our stories about our twisted lives. its 7:45 we headed to cinema 2, it was not a reserved seating so we have to rush in order to get a good seat. BUT! when we got inside there were too many people already, i hate them. we were able to find a seat but we were beside old ladies who decided to watch alone. hahaha so we transferred we found a spot in the middle but our seats were squeeking everytime we moved.. gahd! we dont have any choice. so we stayed.

GET CARRIED AWAY..

ever since i was i highschool i have been a fan of carrie,miranda,samantha and charlotte. the sex and the city girls. yea i know you might be thinking i was too young then to watch their tv series but what can i do i was born in this world with a ten years plus brain! haha… i have watched every epsisode (oh well i think not all, i missed probably 4.) i would always wait every tuesday night at hbo then they moved it every wednesdays i think, then repeats every saturday at 10. i admire their witt, their friendship and their guts to find love. one of my agents asked me among all the four girls who do i most like? i answered.. “All of them”. Why? because each has their own way of making things different.

I gave this movie a 5/5. it did not let me down. sex and the city is the best. i even cried(whats new haha) as much as i want to give you guys a summary of what happened in the story, i cant as of the moment because it will spoil my title. watch it first. haha but im pretty sure every girl i know will shed a tear for this movie, to quote carrie.. “even for those who dont believe in marriage”.

the night is not yet over for the both of us cause nothing crazy has happened yet and this is it..

*laughs..

afetr the movie we went to the cr to pee and to freshen up of course, there were too many people in the cr near the movie house so we went to the 3rd floor cr instead. it was closed already so i opened it and turn on the lights. we took pictures as always then peed then went out. we were already in the ground floor i think then a lady with 2 girls were fast approaching at us and was pointing her finger she was hysterical and was making a scene because she was shouting, i was just looking at her and bru started to freeze because the lady came up to her first, pointing her finger and said “Hoy! kayong dalawa! BAKIT NYO KAMI PINATAYAN NG ILAW????!! ” and so bru wasnt able to answer and even before she did i faced the monster and said.. “EXCUSE ME??!!” “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU POINTING YOUR FINGER AT US??@!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??” and so she answered.. BLABLA. every people in there were looking at us but i didnt care she made a scene, but ill make sure ill be the star! haha i was freakin pissed when she started pointing fingers. she even called the guard and he was just like ” Umm.. Maam?” haha. that stupid bitch with her two ugly daughters. she messed with the wrong girl. i know i shouldnt have answered back because she was older but then you know we all have to bitch around sometimes to let this losers know their borders. haha and she walked out. haha

and we called it a night.

thanks bru it was one hell of a night with you, as what you have said.. “till our 50’s and beyond!”

ROCK YOUR WORLD.

just wait and see..

according to my dear friend wiki..

The City of Baguio (Ilokano: Ciudad ti Baguio; Filipino: Lungsod ng Baguio) is a highly urbanized city in northern Luzon in the Philippines. Baguio City was established by Americans in 1900 at the site of an Ibaloi village known as Kafagway. Baguio City was designated by the Philippine Commission as the Summer Capital of the Philippines on June 1, 1903 and incorporated as a city by the Philippine Assembly on September 1, 1909. There is a presidential mansion, as well as supreme court and legislative offices in Baguio. Baguio is the seat of government of the Cordillera Administrative Region. The name of the city is derived from the word bagiw in Ibaloi, the indigenous language of the Benguet Region, meaning ‘moss’. The city is at an altitude of approximately 1500 meters (5100 ft) in a moist tropical pine forest conducive to the growth of mossy plants and orchids.

****oh well.

haha..yes! i have been wanting to go out of town since i started to go to work and school at the same time. you know.. to unwind, to rest and of course have fun. so ive been bugging my dear boyfriend to go out of town. and because he’s so great.. yes! we went to baguio, i was so excited since its going to be our first out of town trip and sa baguio pa! and so i went undertime para umabot kami sa 3am trip but unfortunately hindi. haha… so dito na nagstart ang adventure namin ni armani..

so there.. umpisa pa lang funny. pumunta kami sa ticket booth and then sabi nung babae 5am pa daw ang next trip. so syempre badtrip, kasi overnight lang naman kami sa baguio so sayang yung time diba. so we had no choice.. nag “CHANCE passengers” kami. ang COOOL! pumila kami and waited for the next trip which is at 4:30am. at eto mas cool…
lumapit samin yung guard na nagbabantay sa pila..

*EkSEna::

Manong GUard1: “Boss, gusto nyo singit ko na lang kayo?”
Bugsy: ” O sige, pano manong?”
Manong GUard1: “Basta diritsu na lang kayo dun sa pinto ng bus.,”

.. so we waited. si manong medyo parang humihirit ng
pang balentayms! haha
(AFTER 10 MINUTES)
[naglakad kami ni armani papunta sa bus..]

Bugsy: “Manong, okay na daw?”
Manong GuArd2: “Duon ang pila!!!”

[ahh keii.. sorry na manong.]

Grabe talaga natawa na lang kami. kasi sabi naman nito ni manong una okay na.. di pa naman pala.
haha mukha lang gago. anyway.. to make the scenario short. we took the 4:30am trip and ayun!
Hahaha.. as usual, bugsy was asleep sa buong byahe. hahaha

so we arrived at baguio ng 9:30am. my friend madie picked us up at the terminal. she lives in baguio kasi she studies at up. ayun. so malamang kabisado niya na yun. sinamahan niya kami to look for a place.. and it took us 2hours bago makahanap. hahahaah ang hirap kaya.. well sabi namin magtitipid kami pero dito din pala kami nauwi…

so.. since we were pagod sa travel plus the “hunt-for-a-place tp stay-in” pag dating namin sa room. ayun! plakda! haha.. we feel asleep. well of course, si bugs ang nauna. haha.. i watched pa the da vinci code then di ko namalayan na i fell asleep na pala. by 2pm we went out to feed ourselves. we ate at max’s in sm baguio. then took pictures, amazed with the “no aircon mall” haha a bit lang ha. hahaha

we went back to the hotel cause we felt a bit tired na din ulit. imagine i came from work pa then travelled 5 hours and a half to go to baguio. we woke up because we had to meet our friend lara.. di kami magkatagpo.. cause we had to pila pa sa metrobank to withdraw. sad to say it took as 30 minutes bago magawa yun dahil nag bug down sila for three days so na excite lahat ng tao mag withdraw, including yours trulyÜ haha.. at eto pa ha,, andami pang mga koreans na ke bobo sinabi ng di pdeng magwithdraw ng ibang card sa metro since inaayos pa yung system. anak ng.. oh well.. and so di namin nakita si lara cause they had to go somewhere ng mga kasama niya.. so niey and i went to camp john hay instead to eat dinner. we ate at carlo’s pizza. ang ganda.. sarap yung food. we ate pizza and drank beer.( woops. si niey lang pla nag beer and i drank iced tea since im still recovering from my gastritis. ) ayun.. we chatted or should i say talked. really talked. and i can say that for the times that weve been together that would be our REAL talk. he was able to share everything, including his pasts (f.yi. bugsy is really not the makwento type of guy. he doesnt want to kwento about his pasts nor mine. for him everything ends there. it should. and we should just all be quiet about it and keep it to ourselves.) i was able to know more about him, of what kind of guy he really was and is now. i cant say that i changed him cause i believe that its his choice to become better. at that time we were not just couples exchanging sweet nothings, we were also friends. friends who share their sentiments, their fears, heart aches. everything. and for that i salute my man. Ü

so after our little talk. we decided to go back to our hotel and ooh siomai! we forgot about lara.. haha so we picked her up sa sm baguio then we went to nevada. gmikan ata yun dun.. i forgot the place were we stayed but we had a great time. napag kamalan pa atang girl si bugs nung singer dun and so he flirted with us. [the singer] hahahaha.. after the night out, hinatid namin si lara then we went back to the hotel to sleep. we called it a day Ü

our second day.

FIRST STOP

this is the lakwatsa day, we woke up at around 6:30am, it was palm sunday. we went to the strawberry farm. i was freakin psyched about it! haha.. it shows in the pictures naman diba? haha we were supposed to pick strawberries but then parang kinuha na nilang lahat di nila ko tinirahan

SECOND STOP

we went to the cathedral to attend mass kaya lang di namin naumpisahan so umalis na lang muna kami tapos we decided na after na lang namin maglakwatsa. haha so we ate luch at kfc then went to the botanical garden. ive been to baguio for so many times but ive never been to this place. weird noh? as usual pictures.

THIRD STOP

after the botanical garden.. of course we went to good sheperd to buy the famous ube for our families. we were not able to take pictures here.. haha nahiya kami for no reason. then we walked down papunta sa next stop namin. we saw this cute hat and so my dear tried it on..

FOURTH STOP

minesview park. haha andaming jologs. oo. but still nothing can beat its view. its freakin awesome. asarin nyo pa ko.. but still i took landscape pictures of the view. aba.. walang paki elamanan camera ko naman yun eh. haha.. although it took me 2 hours bago maka baba dun sa mga bato bato. you see.. im acrophobic. haha.. pero ang pinaka kalaban talga namin ni bugs.. eh ang pag panik ulit sa taas. haha.. were really not “the-lets-go-hiking” type. we’d rather stay and eat. haha

FIFTH STOP.

the grotto. and so we loved it! we climbed the hundred steps of the grotto. penitensya namin yun for the holy week.. medyo sinumpa ako ng unti ni bugs but then di naman nya ko matitiis. haha

SIXTH and FINAL STOP

the cathedral. yes! we did it! naumpisahan namin and the mass was in english. wheew! kala talaga namin ilocano na maabutan namin. after the mass we had our rosaries blessed. then went to the bus terminal to buy our tickets na.

but something came up after we have bought our tickets.. me plans pa dapat kami.. but then………

we lost pot we dont know how he was stolen from us but bugsy was really devastated. huhu.. and of course ako din. but then maybe it was meant to happen. sabi nga nila ayos na daw yun kesa iba pa ang kapalt.

we arrived in manila at around 10 in the evening. i really had a great timea and i can say that this trip helped us to become more closer. i can say that this trip was the greatest adventure of my life so far cause i had a blast. i hope that when something beats this trip.. its still going to be with him. *:)

<photO>

*ill be inserting the photos soon.

Jessica, you’re a Steady Supporter

Stand by your man — that’s just something you naturally do. Once you’ve committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he’s with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he’s striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he’s got yours too.

*when it comes to relationships..

Jessica, you’re a hopeless romantic for Sweet Nothings

From sappy nicknames to inside jokes, whispering words of love is the best thing you can do with your mouth. (Well, maybe the second-best thing. We’ll leave that up to you.) Sharp as a tack, you’re fond of the meaningful, deeper things in life as well as in love, and everyone from your boss to your mom appreciates it.

Of course you don’t hesitate to get hot and heavy with your sweetie; you’re just not the type to make a big deal about it. So if we tell you not to do it any other way would you let us read your love letters? Thanks!

Jessica, your relationship is more likely to last if you and your partner improve how you resolve conflict.

Sure there’s a degree of conflict in every relationship; it may arise from different upbringings, views on life, or different personalities. But when you have too much conflict, disagreement, or opposition in your relationship, and don’t have good tools to resolve it, it can start to undermine the bonds until they are irreparably damaged.

One thing in particular that may be causing — or might cause — future problems in your relationship, is your level of contempt. Contempt arises from an overdose of criticism. By being too critical, you may be hurting your partner personally and weakening the bonds of the relationship. Couples who are able to give feedback constructively tend to have a more successful relationship because they aren’t weakened by their partner’s comments. If you can find out the underlying cause of your critical nature, you will likely be on track to finding the full potential and joy of a committed relationship.

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sometimes although i try not to think of it, it just hits me so bad that it still gives me pain. i know i shouldnt, everything has been explained. its just that sometimes i really cant stop myself from thinking that it might happen again. (if youre clueless about what im saying, dont bother to think about it. i just want to blab. one of my psychobabble.) 

i know.i know.move on.

but i really dont know what stucks me in that situation, especially when i remember the night when i first heard of the bigsecret. i have written about this before, unfortunately i think god wont let me publish my tormentation because i accidentally deleted the post.( stupid.i know.) anyway, its been months now since it happened but god! its still haunting me, even in my dreams. its killing me. paranoia destroys my self esteem.my self worth. it eats up the whole me. sometimes i want to just die or hide in my secret place(if there was) i just want to be there and cry until theres no more tears left. i want to shout, hit my head with a big stone until i bleed to death. i just want to take away all the pain that i have. all the pain that im felling inside.all the pain that i shouldnt be feeling right now. i just want it gone, cause i know its no longer healthy for me. for us.insecure.yes. i still feel that, never in my entire life i felt this insecure. knowing my personality,but this time i felt that i was defeated. i dont know why, im not trying to compete against anyone or maybe yes. i dont know. (too many babbles, tears falling.)
maybe because he wrote for him once and it made me think would he write for me too? would he cry for me too? if yes. how?
ive been trying to feel okay because im trying to believe that i am. but i guess im not. ive said what i felt about it.. but how come im still stuck in this predicament?maybe
because..i have so many hang ups, i have so many emotions kept inside that have been dying to come out but i wont let it.
maybe
i still cant believe that someone could love me more than i could love myself.
maybe
because im trying to create my own ghost just to scare myself.
maybe
because i just need a real good cry.no questions asked.
maybe
because this time i got really hurt
and it cost me so much pain
or maybe because…
im really wrecked.
:’(
if only words can explain how much i really love him then you would understand.
i know he loves me more but i dont know why cant i let myself believe that now its just me.
i know.. i know the problem is within me.
if only i could fix myself.. if only i could, then i would. :’(i have already came to the point that i no longer like myself, im in the process of hating who iam.
what the heck is wrong with me..?? if youre reading this i know you wont understand..
maybe youll ask questions, dont let me answer them. cause trust me i dont understand myself either. i just want this pain to go away…..cause it hurts so much :’(god, please take it away, take away my tears..im begging you please.